Blank Space

photo courtesy of www.etsy.com

     Nothing happened really much today. There was work and my preparations to go to Allan. I had to wait longer for the bus that'll take me to Pasig. Normally, there's a bus already waiting, but today we had to wait for about 20 minutes for one to pick us up. The trip was uneventful and given that its the summer vacation, traffic was not so heavy and the bus wasn't so crammed with passengers wanting to go home.

     Allan is still sleeping since its his rest day. So there.

The Tita Trend

photo courtesy of www.buzzfeed.com

     Everyone is trying to be a tita. And it's not a good thing. 

     I've been seeing a lot of posts in different social media platforms on how people have been embracing the "tita" lifestyle. It seems that wanting to sleep early, having wine nights, and trying to act haughty without the superfluousness of the word makes one a "tita." This superficial perception is what's bothering me thinks.

     I think it requires a lot being a tita and not just drinking tea and having that thing where you hang your bag whenever you go to church. I believe being a tita is more of a mindset. When we have come to point where we just give zero fucks about what anyone thinks while still having a sense of grace about it is the first step into titahood. The moment where we've officially had it with all these distractions and trends that catches our attention and we start to focus on the things that matter to us not only because we love them but they also have a sense of practicality about them. Making adult decisions like sticking to one's grocery budget or spending the entire day cleaning the house instead of going to the mall. A person wanting to lead the tita lifestyle should start collecting life experiences in order for them to start maturing instead of following other people do it. 

     But sleeping early doesn't hurt.

     

     

The Return of the Comeback

photo courtesy of www.rtvgames.com

     Female parental unit is back from her Holy Week obligation at the province. And boy did she have a lot of gossip for me!

     While we were unpacking her stuff and catching up on each other's craziness we both told each other that two weeks away from each seems like a long time to be apart. The time apart was a big help in her and her sister in dealing with some of the issues we have at the province. Me and my hostile verbal diarrhea might cause more harm than help had I went with her. On my part, I got to spend more time with Allan helped him take off some stress from work.

     To be honest I'm still a little uneasy about inheriting my family's legacy. I know I am ready and I appreciate that the rest of my clan are confident that I'll be able to handle things properly. The only thing that they're concerned about is how do things. And that gets me sometimes. My family has a tendency to deal with a situation with a lot of hush-hush and skirting around. Basically, they're non-confrontational. I, on the other hand deals with things by confronting them head, with a big splash. While has worked for me in a lot of situations, it might bite me in the ass in a place where people are very sensitive especially when it comes to what they think are morals that should be protected.

     So I guess I need to learn how to dance. 

The Greater Fool

photo courtesy of www.redbubble.com

     Today is the best day to pull a prank on someone. But to be honest, the joke's on us. In this country. Look at the candidates wooing us for our votes. Only handful of them can be trusted and some of them might have made Faustian deals just so they could provide us with the public service we rightfully deserve. We fail to see the punchline as farmers are gunned down because they're clamoring for help from their government. The way that the government of the past and present has treated our farmers is laughable. No amount financial subsidy is going to alleviate their lives. It's insulting to them, that the least that these people can do is give them money. Money that passes from one agency to the next until what's left is enough to just get them by. Unless and until we change how we perceive and treat our farmers, we will never transcend and break away from our elitist mindset.

     Who's laughing now?

Battle of The Tiny Bulge

photo courtesy of www.popsugar.com

     I have a love-hate relationship with working out. The only time I remember enjoying a workout was when I was training for CAT. I enjoyed the pain that it brought on my body. I also enjoyed the positive changes in my body. Eventhough I was very slim, I felt very strong, I had a flat but firm tummy and I could outlast almost  everyone in my training class in a marathon.

     But after that, everything seems to just go in a downward spiral. I put on a lot on weight in college for reasons I do not know. I enjoyed sleeping a lot. Even when I was in our student publication office, people would catch me taking two hour naps. After graduating, I got a job that had night shifts.That didn't help in making me lose the weight. I chugged down crazy amounts of soda, and snacked my way through my shifts. When I realized that it was becoming a problem, I did what any self-respecting person would do in a time a like this. Crash diet. I stopped eating rice, concentrated on eating wheat bread. I also limited my sleeping to about 4-6 hours. In the course of two months, I lost a lot of weight. I also looked like I snorted an entire bag of cocaine in one sitting. From then on, I worked on gaining some weight whiel still eating healthily. During my time in my first job, I managed to instill a level of discipline that allowed me to stave off any possible crazy weight gains that comes with working in the night shift. 

     Now that I'm working from home, it's become pretty evident that I have lost that discipline. Although I still feel strong, I have gained a belly from all the sitting. It also didn't helped that I was once again consuming crazy amounts of soda to keep up with Allan's night time body clock. That is why I have take n the necessary steps in trying to be healthy again. Aside from lowering my rice intake, I have started working out. I still enjoy sweating it out. The only thing that annoys me is some of the workout programs that I follow has some weird illustrations on how to do some of the exercises, that it somehow impedes my momentum.

     But since I've alrady started, there's no stopping now. 

Hey, thanks.

photo courtesy of www.ipsacleadvalentinquiroga.blogspot.com

     Today, I would like to talk about appreciation. Ever since I was young, I was taught to appreaciate the things around me. From the food that I ate, the clothes I wore, and even the act of kindness done to me. I have always been grateful to the people who have helped me along the way. 

     That's the reason why I'm always horrified to hear someone being unappreciative of the things being done for them. I remember a time when I would whine about a lot of things. I would complain and complain non-stop and felt that I was being cheated out of something that should've been mine. I was resentful at the people around me for being in the state that we are in. I neglected to notice their efforts in making sure that I at least have what I needed.

     Now that I'm working in an industry where you constantly have to hustle, it is both a humbling and character-building experience to be appreciative of the efforts of the people around you and how they have helped you in whatever form. It also taught me to not just appreciate others but also be grateful to my own efforts. Learning how to appreciate one's self is a constant battle with the rejections left and right, but it is such a good feeling to have when you pat your own back when you've done a good job at work or when you've done something for the people you love to make their lives comfortable. 

     Sadly, sometimes appreciation is not our default emotion in handling certain situations. 

Wired In

     

photo courtesy of www.news.discovery.com

     Today was an ok day at work. I managed to do everything I needed to do within my shift and I was also able to squeeze a couple side social media projects. I also was able to hear mass online. All of these activities made me realize that I was hooked up to my laptop for almost 12 hours.

     While working from is still one the best things that I decided to embark on, there are times when it takes over my life and almost everything I do is online. Except for banking and paying bills. Cause I'm paranoid like that. Hahaha.

     I talk a lot about not relying too much on gadgets and the internet and I still believe that we still could have lives minus these things, but it just offers so much convenience that while it makes things easier for us, it also sometimes isolates us from the people around us. In my case, there are times where I rarely get to swap stories with the people in this house because I'm working. The only time I get to gossip with them is when I'm done or when there's a light workload for that day, But we always try to find ways to savor and appreciate the time that we get to spend together. 

     On the upside, listening to mass was more tolerable since I don't have to worry about the heat and church goers chit chatting. So there. 

Yes, Let's Do This

photo courtesy of www.kaneadvice.wordpress.com

     My continuing feeling of loneliness still envelops my entire being. As much as I want to interact with people today, it just feels like I'm not getting anywhere. Probably because I feel ignored. I am used to not being the center of attention. I enjoy doing things better when people aren't crowding around me. But, now that I've forging relationships with people, the feeling of being ignored or being swept under the rug hurts more, because they are from the ones that you care the most. 

     So what's a lonely boy got to do on a Saturday afternoon? I decided to embrace this lonely feeling and went to Quiapo just to explore. It always amazes me that I'm still able to discover new things. For a moment I felt like being embraced by a friend who's been waiting for me. 

     Being lonely ain't that bad, sometimes.

Loneliness

photo courtesy of www.necessarygames.com

     Growing up as an only kid, I never really felt lonely while I was going through my childhood. Not having friends to play with, I was contented to play by myself and read books. 

     But as one grows up and starts to form relationship whether romantic or not, opening yourself and letting other people in can sometimes make you feel more alone and lonely than before. 

     Loneliness sometimes feels like a long lost friend that you haven't seen for a long time. Maybe an embrace and a chit chat wouldn't hurt. 

Crowning Worry

photo courtesy of www.youtube.com

     I have let my hair grow out thrice. The first time was motivated by a heartbreak, coupled by massive amounts of laziness. The second time was the realization that having a wolf's tail (before it became a fad) was not the right style for me. The third was finally realizing that I should stick what works for me. 

     Growing my hair out has never been a problem to me. Female parental unit used to take me to the barber every month because my hair would grow out that quick. The funny thing is, when I decided to let it grow, my hair would not cooperate, especially the third time. 

     Lately, I've noticed a lot of hair falling off of my head. From our bed up to the bathroom, there are clumps of hair lying around. Although, I don't see any bald spots on my head, it is pretty alarming to see that many hair fall out of you. It might be because I got sick late last year. We thought it was dengue, but it wasn't but it still rendered me unusable for almost a week. Maybe the trauma that body went through is now just manifesting through my hair.

     I should be freaking out about this, but that does not help and it might only aggravate the state of affairs that my hair is going through right now. The best way to deal with this is to just chill, make myself as healthy as I could be, and take extra care of my hair

Incision and Drainage

photo courtesy of www.chefreinvented.com

     I rant a lot. Probably more than I should. Especially back when I was at my old job. It was my way of dealing the stress brought about my work. I barely remember the times when I just held it in or dea lt with it besides going on full verbal diarrhea mode. But over the years, I have slowly learned to channel that energy into dealing with the things I'm frustrated with. Though they might not always work or have the outcome that I want, it made me less ranty and more mindful of how I am when I'm dealing with a very stressful situation. 

     Working from home still has its challenges and could be as toxic as an office environment, but since I've learned to channel my frustrations, I have handled it better and made me a better listener at least to the nearest person ranting about their day.

     I've known Allan to be a patient and understanding man especially at work. Though he does not tolerate stupidity and inefficiency, he will be the first one to address the problem at hand and will look for long term solutions. And I'm envious at him for having this kind of foresight and resolve. Today was a different thought. He came on late from work and went to vent about certain issues right off the bat. I have learned ago to not go head-to-head with him and just listen to him until finishes. When he had finished I offered a couple of suggestions to him and asked if it was really the reason for his frustrations. Even at the height of his exasperation, he still knew what he needed to do and just wanted someone to unload his rants to. 

     For some, it might seem that I might be taking a lot by taking on his vents and it could be detrimental to me. I love the guy and I will continue to absorb his frustrations and fears and put into good use. That's what you do to the people you love. 

Naejot memēbātās!

photo courtesy of www.deopavanstan.info

     The thing about the start of the month is that it gives us a feeling that we can start over again and learn from the things that have happened in the previous month. 

     I am not like this. The things that have happened to me these past months will continue to linger and probably nag their way back, so the best thing is to just confront them and hopefully get to learn something new.

     I was supposed to look for a 30 Day Writing Challenge since I saw some social media friends complete theirs, but seeing I failed on my previous attempt, what I'm going to do is just write for 30 days. No planned topic. Just write whatever I find interesting that day. 

     No promises, but fully jumping in head first. 

Look Back

photo courtesy of www.ebay.com

     The last two weeks of February tested my overall perspective on how people really view and I how people. Add to that my concern for my laptop's mobility issues. While I was relieved to find out about how my friends really feel about the LGBT community, I was somewhat disappointed to find out that some people who I've considered as family look at the community I belong to as somewhat inferior. It was painful to accept, that you are only relevant, you are only appreciated when you are being useful to them. And not because you are a human being that should be treated with equal dignity and respect. 

     What I did not expect was my parents lack of disgust towards these people. Probably because they're not directly affected,and that it's hard for them to put themselves in my place. Maybe because I was expecting that they will tell me words of encouragement and show me that I am not something inferior in their eyes. These thoughts had me doubting if they really accepted who I am. That's something I had to work through. Up until now.

     It pains me to write this because save for Allan, my family is the only unit that I hold dear in my heart. I grew up knowing how close we are. But I love them. And love will always win. Always. 

Because He Needs Us

photo courtesy of www.usapost.org

     Looks like Manny Pacquiao got the biggest punch of his life. During an interview, he was asked about same-sex marriage and he compared it to how animals do it. I think everyone has read the interview and has seen the video so we'll skip the blow-by-blow account. After receiving a barrage of punches from different social media users, Pacquiao has uploaded an apology video for his statement. It is important to note though, he still thinks that a homosexual act is still a sin.

     I'll skip all the counter arguments that Pacquiao made about the LGBT community since there are so many people who are qualified to do that. What I would like to get off my chest is the level of inhuman thinking that came out of this statement. Not only did he degrade the LGBT community but is also perpetuating homophobia under the guise of religion. Since he's also running for a Senate seat, it is not surprising that he'll say something this low. Not only did make it relevant but him uploading an apology video only hours after the social media backlash shows that this is a calculated move. The apology insincere video projects an image that he listens if he is on the wrong and he's willing to humble himself. 

     Like as if that would work. Surprisingly, it might will. Pacquiao is not really known for his legislative skills and attendance but crafting this election given our predilection to forget the wrong doings of these bastards (the Marcoses, anyone?) might just get him elected. 

     It is up to the voters that understands the situation to turn this around. You don't have to campaign for the ones you like, but you can campaign against for those that only uses hot button issues to be the center of social media frenzy.  

   

Wired Heart

photo courtesy of www.wallpaperspal.com

     I decided to ask Allan out to have a breakfast date. It was also Valentine's Day yesterday. It was a fun date. It took a more corporate feel as talked about goals and other things about our relationship. This approach has worked for us since it allows us to be less emotional and look at it in a more logical way. Even during misunderstandings, we've dealt with it by going on a more business-like handling. This might sound boring for you, especially from someone who is in relationship.

     Tachikoma, my laptop is still not fixed. The wireless function is still not working and I'm still tied to hooking it up in a router with an ethernet cable. It's a bit limiting since I tend to move around the house while working. Now it feels like being in an office work desk. 

    Hopefully, I'll get the time this week to have fixed and have back to its working condition. 

Glitch

photo courtesy of www.mobileoffice.about.com

     One of the perks of working from your home is the ability to work in anywhere in your house. You can even work outside and get some sun while you're at it. 

     My laptop decided that wired connections is still the hottest thing.

     Last night before going to bed, I checked on some of the things that I was downloading and left it as it is. When I woke up Allan was on my laptop watching a movie. We switched places since I was about to start working when I realized that the wireless function of my laptop is not working. We did the basic trouble shooting steps, and even went as far as uninstalling and reinstalling the wireless adapter. 

     Still not working.

     The whole incident affected my work and made me finish pretty late. It also brought a lot of stress since I'm running out of steps to do to fix the issue. Today's episode has made me feel doubly tired and I just want to sleep for like a hunrded years.

     But seriously, can anyone help me?

Too Tired to Function

photo courtesy of www.quotesgram.com

     I was too tired to write an entry yesterday. 

     I'm still too tired to write one today. Working, cooking and doing the laundry took a lot out of my usual energetic self today. I wasn't even hurrying to finish one task to move on the next. I guess I really have to be in the zone more often to get things done and still have the energy for other things.

     Well, tomorrow is a new day. We'll try again. 

Expedition

photo courtesy of www.panahon.tv

     Female Parental Unit and I have been planning to go to Divisoria for the longest time. Given that I work every day and get off from work at 2 PM, we had to make sure that we'll make the most of our time there. We don't want to go on a weekend because we know it'll packed and we also don't want to stay there exploring until night time. I started to think that for a couple of things that we wanted to check out, a lot of factor and planning is involved.

     So we decided to go today and even before we got there, our plan started to hit a snag. The jeep took a different rout. We got off in front of 999 Mall. Female Parental Unit and I were not familiar with area, but we thought it would be a good chance to explore the building and see what we'll find. 

     We've only been there for less than half an hour and I already managed to buy all the things that I want. Since it was still early, we thought we'd get something to eat. After that we decided we'd check out 168 Mall as well. It was a little more packed with stalls and people that we felt a bit overwhelmed that we just settled with just looking around the ground floor. 

     When we decided to head back home, we realized that all of the road repairs and rerouting in the area has thrown off whatever sense of direction I have. And since Female Parental Unit is also not familiar with the new surroundings, we ended up asking for directions, which I still feel is a failure of my being a human being. 

     We're both tired, but we definitely enjoyed our exploration. And we promised each other that we'll go back there. 

CNY

photo courtesy of www.pinoycookingrecipes.com

     Today is the Chinese New Year. A lot of people went to Chinatown in Binondo to celebrate and get some items that they believe will bring them goof luck.

     One of the traditions that we sort of follow in celebrating the Chinese New Year is serving tikoy or rice cake. It said to bring the family closer together since the rice cake is sticky and keep the relationship harmonious with its sweet flavor. We normally just coat the rice cake with a beaten egg and fry it. This year we gave a couple of rice cakes to our neighbors and we also received several boxes of them. I guess it pays when your female parental unit is one of the most sociable people you've met. 

     Even if you don't practice any of the traditions that comes with the Chinese festivity or you go all-out, always remember that celebrating the start of the year allows us to start fresh and gives us a chance to better people not just for ourselves but for those around us. 

Easy

photo courtesy of www.de.union.de

     Work was light today. I also woke up late. The second sentence does not justify anything. The first sentence is true despite encountering some connection issues. Technical difficulties like these limits this country and the potential work from home workforce to being more productive and a big income generating sector for the country.

     Even if it was a light day today, there were some parts that I don't remember. Like seeing female parental unit cook our lunch. My work station is close to the dining table where she preps the things the she'll cook. I don't remember seeing that. It's probably because I haven't been sleeping as much as I should these past few days. 

     So I'm going to hit the sack now! 

Damp and Wet

photo courtesy www.amoremiobello.wordpress.com

     The rain couldn't come any sooner.

     It had been humid the past few days, especially during the afternoon. I had the unfortunate time of basking in all of its brain melting heat glory when I home to Malacanang. 

     While I was doing the laundry yesterday, the sky began to darken and I thought that it was going to rain after. I had to rush and finish my chore and I possibly pulled some muscles because of it. 

     The rain apparently started to pour today. It would've been ideal to just stay in bed and sleep, but I had work. Bummer. The slow downpour brought me a joy I normally feel when the rainy season start. Others may feel introspective and just chill whenever it rains, but I feel different. I feel more energized. Its as if the rain revitalizes something inside of me and makes me want to do more. 

     And I did just that. I ran several software tests on my laptop, deleted some old files, read a couple of chapters of a book, and even manage to write this blog. Heck, I even took a nap because I could sneak that in the things I could accomplish today, Harhar.

     I hope that everyone is safe and dry today. Be with your friends and family and make this a cuddle day for you to remember! 

Craving

 photo courtesy of www.21food.com

     I was so tired from doing the laundry and running some errands that I literally fell asleep after getting home. 

     I have been craving for some chip for quite sometime and I decided to go and buy one after doing the laundry. So I went to Recto where the chips that I was craving for would be found. On my way there, the crown started to get thick. It was a Friday and I think a payday for some folks, so it's just right that everyone will be out. I realized that no matter how many people describe Recto as dangerous and seedy, I never felt that at all. Well, I guess seedy fits, but for the longest time that I have been frequenting Recto, I have never felt an ounce of danger no matter what time I go there. I remember that I spent the night at convenience store while I was reading and writing. I just feels like a home to me. The maddening crowd. The dubious characters. The stench of after sex and everything illegal. All of that feels familiar. 

     So fuck gentrification. 

     I found the store, bought the chips and went back home. 

Snoozing Out

photo courtesy of www.littlebrownsparrowco.com

     For the past couple of days, I have been missing out on my normal sleep time. It's so bad that I have to take a nap while working or else I stop functioning normally. 

     That is why I'm hitting the sack early. Enjoy your day. 

Missed Target

photo courtesy of www.presentermedia.com

     I missed a blog post. Damn it. 

     And only on the third day. 

     We'll just try to be more consistent eh? 

Yup, I still do.

photo courtesy of www.myphilwong.com

     Every time I come home to Allan in Pasig, the feeling of anticipation and giddiness. I hardly make any facial expression, but whenever I get lost in the thoughts of seeing him just puts me in a dazed smile. It transports me back to the first time that I went to his old place. 

     I am bad at commuting and I have the tendency to get lost. My sense of direction is bad and also I'm so stubborn that I wouldn't ask people for directions for fear that they might think of me as stupid for getting lost. When I went to his place, he told me to just get on the bus going to his area and tell the bus conductor where I was getting off and that was it. I did just that. The travel time was longer than I expected and I started getting antsy. I sent him a text message and he replied that I should not worry because I am going to a place where love is and he'll be right there. 

     He might kill me if he gets to read this.

     

     Much like my first experience in commuting to Allan's place, my writing has always felt like that. It makes me excited and pumped up once I've dealt with my initial apprehensions. Even if I couldn't find anything to write about, I'm just raring to go and just write. The only difference that starts to appear is that I never get tired or bogged down seeing Allan. Not so much with writing. There are times when I would just be too brain dead to even open word document and type something. And then it snowballs from there.

     Keeping it my view fresh and allotting small amount of time should help in being consistent and not feel like its a task of sorts. 

     I can do this.  

Going Back To The Start

photo courtesy of www.thequotepedia.com

     The start of the month for me always meant a new beginning. As cheesy as it sounds, the turning of the month has always made me want to start something. In this case, writing. Again.

     

     Before, I used to think that since I consume a lot of content of varying topics, it would be easy to just write about something on a daily basis. I was wrong. Not only could I not come up with daily and random topics to put here, but I also gave up easily because I would get tired from my day job. There would be times where I question myself if I'm passionate about writing as I thought I was. 

     Everyone wants to be writer. People thought that being a writer gives them a certain kind of wisdom. A profound knowledge of the world at large. I believe in that too. But given how lackluster my "performance" here, it might not be the case. I'm not close to being wise or profound. My views are still selfish and sometimes myopic, and they probably would not change because I'm a stubborn ass.

     But since it is the start of the month, I can at least try and start to be a better version of what I am and my passion. Fingers crossed in maintaining the momentum. 

     

Happy New Year

photo courtesy of www.trvnews.com

   Happy new year to all of you. Ushering the new year always brings that feeling of introspection of the year that's about to pass. But aside from looking back I hope that we should start practicing looking forward to the new year. Whether it may be a new year filled with new opportunities or a year with a lot of obstacles, we should be looking forward to this as it will help us become the better version of ourselves. 

   Won't be keeping you here for too long. Go out there and be with your family and friends. Have fun! :)