Skin Changing

image courtesy of www.images.8tracks.com

     Nobody wants to get sick. But here we are. While the past couple of months have been a struggle to get my skin condition’s attacks to minimize, today has been hopeful as it’s starting to look like its former self. Knowing the triggering factors and anticipating the attacks will be a big help in managing it as well as keeping my health my biggest priority this season.

      Hang in there self, we’ll be fine. 

Buckle Down

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     As one starts to execute the goals the they have set out whether it's for personal growth or career advancement, it is important to put in the necessary effort. Mapping out the steps is important but making the first step and the making sure to never stop taking those steps until the destination is reached. 

    

    Every journey will be bogged down by different things ranging from lack of will to just being exhausted from all the rejections. But such is life. The only way to come out on top is always be motivated and putting the people that matter as the fuel to keep going.

     I will keep going.

Looking Back

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     Let's see if I can squeeze this in before the year ends in a couple of minutes. The majority of the year has been consumed by a job that I like but justified into staying because it made me look like a responsible adult who settles. It is only now that I'm realizing that it's hard for me to settle. The job was eating away at my sanity and time that I would wake up in the middle of the night exhausted thinking about my responsibilities. I decided to leave and pursued something I've been trying ever since I started working from home. But since this is me and I'm the poster boy for not thinking anything through, I screwed up on the other job. 

    Things in the romantic department have been stable with the occasional rocking of the boat. Communication has both been the thing resolves issues and the fire starter in any lively discussions. Certain life choices will be made but in the end it would still be made by the two of us after several rounds of communicating.

     The self will have to be pushed harder but at the same time pursue the things that nourishes it. Sticking to small goals is still the plan while leaving the bigger things in the hands of fate.

     Happy New Year to all of you. 

Blank Space

photo courtesy of www.etsy.com

     Nothing happened really much today. There was work and my preparations to go to Allan. I had to wait longer for the bus that'll take me to Pasig. Normally, there's a bus already waiting, but today we had to wait for about 20 minutes for one to pick us up. The trip was uneventful and given that its the summer vacation, traffic was not so heavy and the bus wasn't so crammed with passengers wanting to go home.

     Allan is still sleeping since its his rest day. So there.

The Tita Trend

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     Everyone is trying to be a tita. And it's not a good thing. 

     I've been seeing a lot of posts in different social media platforms on how people have been embracing the "tita" lifestyle. It seems that wanting to sleep early, having wine nights, and trying to act haughty without the superfluousness of the word makes one a "tita." This superficial perception is what's bothering me thinks.

     I think it requires a lot being a tita and not just drinking tea and having that thing where you hang your bag whenever you go to church. I believe being a tita is more of a mindset. When we have come to point where we just give zero fucks about what anyone thinks while still having a sense of grace about it is the first step into titahood. The moment where we've officially had it with all these distractions and trends that catches our attention and we start to focus on the things that matter to us not only because we love them but they also have a sense of practicality about them. Making adult decisions like sticking to one's grocery budget or spending the entire day cleaning the house instead of going to the mall. A person wanting to lead the tita lifestyle should start collecting life experiences in order for them to start maturing instead of following other people do it. 

     But sleeping early doesn't hurt.

     

     

The Return of the Comeback

photo courtesy of www.rtvgames.com

     Female parental unit is back from her Holy Week obligation at the province. And boy did she have a lot of gossip for me!

     While we were unpacking her stuff and catching up on each other's craziness we both told each other that two weeks away from each seems like a long time to be apart. The time apart was a big help in her and her sister in dealing with some of the issues we have at the province. Me and my hostile verbal diarrhea might cause more harm than help had I went with her. On my part, I got to spend more time with Allan helped him take off some stress from work.

     To be honest I'm still a little uneasy about inheriting my family's legacy. I know I am ready and I appreciate that the rest of my clan are confident that I'll be able to handle things properly. The only thing that they're concerned about is how do things. And that gets me sometimes. My family has a tendency to deal with a situation with a lot of hush-hush and skirting around. Basically, they're non-confrontational. I, on the other hand deals with things by confronting them head, with a big splash. While has worked for me in a lot of situations, it might bite me in the ass in a place where people are very sensitive especially when it comes to what they think are morals that should be protected.

     So I guess I need to learn how to dance. 

The Greater Fool

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     Today is the best day to pull a prank on someone. But to be honest, the joke's on us. In this country. Look at the candidates wooing us for our votes. Only handful of them can be trusted and some of them might have made Faustian deals just so they could provide us with the public service we rightfully deserve. We fail to see the punchline as farmers are gunned down because they're clamoring for help from their government. The way that the government of the past and present has treated our farmers is laughable. No amount financial subsidy is going to alleviate their lives. It's insulting to them, that the least that these people can do is give them money. Money that passes from one agency to the next until what's left is enough to just get them by. Unless and until we change how we perceive and treat our farmers, we will never transcend and break away from our elitist mindset.

     Who's laughing now?

Battle of The Tiny Bulge

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     I have a love-hate relationship with working out. The only time I remember enjoying a workout was when I was training for CAT. I enjoyed the pain that it brought on my body. I also enjoyed the positive changes in my body. Eventhough I was very slim, I felt very strong, I had a flat but firm tummy and I could outlast almost  everyone in my training class in a marathon.

     But after that, everything seems to just go in a downward spiral. I put on a lot on weight in college for reasons I do not know. I enjoyed sleeping a lot. Even when I was in our student publication office, people would catch me taking two hour naps. After graduating, I got a job that had night shifts.That didn't help in making me lose the weight. I chugged down crazy amounts of soda, and snacked my way through my shifts. When I realized that it was becoming a problem, I did what any self-respecting person would do in a time a like this. Crash diet. I stopped eating rice, concentrated on eating wheat bread. I also limited my sleeping to about 4-6 hours. In the course of two months, I lost a lot of weight. I also looked like I snorted an entire bag of cocaine in one sitting. From then on, I worked on gaining some weight whiel still eating healthily. During my time in my first job, I managed to instill a level of discipline that allowed me to stave off any possible crazy weight gains that comes with working in the night shift. 

     Now that I'm working from home, it's become pretty evident that I have lost that discipline. Although I still feel strong, I have gained a belly from all the sitting. It also didn't helped that I was once again consuming crazy amounts of soda to keep up with Allan's night time body clock. That is why I have take n the necessary steps in trying to be healthy again. Aside from lowering my rice intake, I have started working out. I still enjoy sweating it out. The only thing that annoys me is some of the workout programs that I follow has some weird illustrations on how to do some of the exercises, that it somehow impedes my momentum.

     But since I've alrady started, there's no stopping now. 

Hey, thanks.

photo courtesy of www.ipsacleadvalentinquiroga.blogspot.com

     Today, I would like to talk about appreciation. Ever since I was young, I was taught to appreaciate the things around me. From the food that I ate, the clothes I wore, and even the act of kindness done to me. I have always been grateful to the people who have helped me along the way. 

     That's the reason why I'm always horrified to hear someone being unappreciative of the things being done for them. I remember a time when I would whine about a lot of things. I would complain and complain non-stop and felt that I was being cheated out of something that should've been mine. I was resentful at the people around me for being in the state that we are in. I neglected to notice their efforts in making sure that I at least have what I needed.

     Now that I'm working in an industry where you constantly have to hustle, it is both a humbling and character-building experience to be appreciative of the efforts of the people around you and how they have helped you in whatever form. It also taught me to not just appreciate others but also be grateful to my own efforts. Learning how to appreciate one's self is a constant battle with the rejections left and right, but it is such a good feeling to have when you pat your own back when you've done a good job at work or when you've done something for the people you love to make their lives comfortable. 

     Sadly, sometimes appreciation is not our default emotion in handling certain situations. 

Wired In

     

photo courtesy of www.news.discovery.com

     Today was an ok day at work. I managed to do everything I needed to do within my shift and I was also able to squeeze a couple side social media projects. I also was able to hear mass online. All of these activities made me realize that I was hooked up to my laptop for almost 12 hours.

     While working from is still one the best things that I decided to embark on, there are times when it takes over my life and almost everything I do is online. Except for banking and paying bills. Cause I'm paranoid like that. Hahaha.

     I talk a lot about not relying too much on gadgets and the internet and I still believe that we still could have lives minus these things, but it just offers so much convenience that while it makes things easier for us, it also sometimes isolates us from the people around us. In my case, there are times where I rarely get to swap stories with the people in this house because I'm working. The only time I get to gossip with them is when I'm done or when there's a light workload for that day, But we always try to find ways to savor and appreciate the time that we get to spend together. 

     On the upside, listening to mass was more tolerable since I don't have to worry about the heat and church goers chit chatting. So there. 

Yes, Let's Do This

photo courtesy of www.kaneadvice.wordpress.com

     My continuing feeling of loneliness still envelops my entire being. As much as I want to interact with people today, it just feels like I'm not getting anywhere. Probably because I feel ignored. I am used to not being the center of attention. I enjoy doing things better when people aren't crowding around me. But, now that I've forging relationships with people, the feeling of being ignored or being swept under the rug hurts more, because they are from the ones that you care the most. 

     So what's a lonely boy got to do on a Saturday afternoon? I decided to embrace this lonely feeling and went to Quiapo just to explore. It always amazes me that I'm still able to discover new things. For a moment I felt like being embraced by a friend who's been waiting for me. 

     Being lonely ain't that bad, sometimes.

Loneliness

photo courtesy of www.necessarygames.com

     Growing up as an only kid, I never really felt lonely while I was going through my childhood. Not having friends to play with, I was contented to play by myself and read books. 

     But as one grows up and starts to form relationship whether romantic or not, opening yourself and letting other people in can sometimes make you feel more alone and lonely than before. 

     Loneliness sometimes feels like a long lost friend that you haven't seen for a long time. Maybe an embrace and a chit chat wouldn't hurt. 

Crowning Worry

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     I have let my hair grow out thrice. The first time was motivated by a heartbreak, coupled by massive amounts of laziness. The second time was the realization that having a wolf's tail (before it became a fad) was not the right style for me. The third was finally realizing that I should stick what works for me. 

     Growing my hair out has never been a problem to me. Female parental unit used to take me to the barber every month because my hair would grow out that quick. The funny thing is, when I decided to let it grow, my hair would not cooperate, especially the third time. 

     Lately, I've noticed a lot of hair falling off of my head. From our bed up to the bathroom, there are clumps of hair lying around. Although, I don't see any bald spots on my head, it is pretty alarming to see that many hair fall out of you. It might be because I got sick late last year. We thought it was dengue, but it wasn't but it still rendered me unusable for almost a week. Maybe the trauma that body went through is now just manifesting through my hair.

     I should be freaking out about this, but that does not help and it might only aggravate the state of affairs that my hair is going through right now. The best way to deal with this is to just chill, make myself as healthy as I could be, and take extra care of my hair

Incision and Drainage

photo courtesy of www.chefreinvented.com

     I rant a lot. Probably more than I should. Especially back when I was at my old job. It was my way of dealing the stress brought about my work. I barely remember the times when I just held it in or dea lt with it besides going on full verbal diarrhea mode. But over the years, I have slowly learned to channel that energy into dealing with the things I'm frustrated with. Though they might not always work or have the outcome that I want, it made me less ranty and more mindful of how I am when I'm dealing with a very stressful situation. 

     Working from home still has its challenges and could be as toxic as an office environment, but since I've learned to channel my frustrations, I have handled it better and made me a better listener at least to the nearest person ranting about their day.

     I've known Allan to be a patient and understanding man especially at work. Though he does not tolerate stupidity and inefficiency, he will be the first one to address the problem at hand and will look for long term solutions. And I'm envious at him for having this kind of foresight and resolve. Today was a different thought. He came on late from work and went to vent about certain issues right off the bat. I have learned ago to not go head-to-head with him and just listen to him until finishes. When he had finished I offered a couple of suggestions to him and asked if it was really the reason for his frustrations. Even at the height of his exasperation, he still knew what he needed to do and just wanted someone to unload his rants to. 

     For some, it might seem that I might be taking a lot by taking on his vents and it could be detrimental to me. I love the guy and I will continue to absorb his frustrations and fears and put into good use. That's what you do to the people you love. 

Naejot memēbātās!

photo courtesy of www.deopavanstan.info

     The thing about the start of the month is that it gives us a feeling that we can start over again and learn from the things that have happened in the previous month. 

     I am not like this. The things that have happened to me these past months will continue to linger and probably nag their way back, so the best thing is to just confront them and hopefully get to learn something new.

     I was supposed to look for a 30 Day Writing Challenge since I saw some social media friends complete theirs, but seeing I failed on my previous attempt, what I'm going to do is just write for 30 days. No planned topic. Just write whatever I find interesting that day. 

     No promises, but fully jumping in head first. 

Look Back

photo courtesy of www.ebay.com

     The last two weeks of February tested my overall perspective on how people really view and I how people. Add to that my concern for my laptop's mobility issues. While I was relieved to find out about how my friends really feel about the LGBT community, I was somewhat disappointed to find out that some people who I've considered as family look at the community I belong to as somewhat inferior. It was painful to accept, that you are only relevant, you are only appreciated when you are being useful to them. And not because you are a human being that should be treated with equal dignity and respect. 

     What I did not expect was my parents lack of disgust towards these people. Probably because they're not directly affected,and that it's hard for them to put themselves in my place. Maybe because I was expecting that they will tell me words of encouragement and show me that I am not something inferior in their eyes. These thoughts had me doubting if they really accepted who I am. That's something I had to work through. Up until now.

     It pains me to write this because save for Allan, my family is the only unit that I hold dear in my heart. I grew up knowing how close we are. But I love them. And love will always win. Always. 

Because He Needs Us

photo courtesy of www.usapost.org

     Looks like Manny Pacquiao got the biggest punch of his life. During an interview, he was asked about same-sex marriage and he compared it to how animals do it. I think everyone has read the interview and has seen the video so we'll skip the blow-by-blow account. After receiving a barrage of punches from different social media users, Pacquiao has uploaded an apology video for his statement. It is important to note though, he still thinks that a homosexual act is still a sin.

     I'll skip all the counter arguments that Pacquiao made about the LGBT community since there are so many people who are qualified to do that. What I would like to get off my chest is the level of inhuman thinking that came out of this statement. Not only did he degrade the LGBT community but is also perpetuating homophobia under the guise of religion. Since he's also running for a Senate seat, it is not surprising that he'll say something this low. Not only did make it relevant but him uploading an apology video only hours after the social media backlash shows that this is a calculated move. The apology insincere video projects an image that he listens if he is on the wrong and he's willing to humble himself. 

     Like as if that would work. Surprisingly, it might will. Pacquiao is not really known for his legislative skills and attendance but crafting this election given our predilection to forget the wrong doings of these bastards (the Marcoses, anyone?) might just get him elected. 

     It is up to the voters that understands the situation to turn this around. You don't have to campaign for the ones you like, but you can campaign against for those that only uses hot button issues to be the center of social media frenzy.  

   

Wired Heart

photo courtesy of www.wallpaperspal.com

     I decided to ask Allan out to have a breakfast date. It was also Valentine's Day yesterday. It was a fun date. It took a more corporate feel as talked about goals and other things about our relationship. This approach has worked for us since it allows us to be less emotional and look at it in a more logical way. Even during misunderstandings, we've dealt with it by going on a more business-like handling. This might sound boring for you, especially from someone who is in relationship.

     Tachikoma, my laptop is still not fixed. The wireless function is still not working and I'm still tied to hooking it up in a router with an ethernet cable. It's a bit limiting since I tend to move around the house while working. Now it feels like being in an office work desk. 

    Hopefully, I'll get the time this week to have fixed and have back to its working condition. 

Glitch

photo courtesy of www.mobileoffice.about.com

     One of the perks of working from your home is the ability to work in anywhere in your house. You can even work outside and get some sun while you're at it. 

     My laptop decided that wired connections is still the hottest thing.

     Last night before going to bed, I checked on some of the things that I was downloading and left it as it is. When I woke up Allan was on my laptop watching a movie. We switched places since I was about to start working when I realized that the wireless function of my laptop is not working. We did the basic trouble shooting steps, and even went as far as uninstalling and reinstalling the wireless adapter. 

     Still not working.

     The whole incident affected my work and made me finish pretty late. It also brought a lot of stress since I'm running out of steps to do to fix the issue. Today's episode has made me feel doubly tired and I just want to sleep for like a hunrded years.

     But seriously, can anyone help me?

Too Tired to Function

photo courtesy of www.quotesgram.com

     I was too tired to write an entry yesterday. 

     I'm still too tired to write one today. Working, cooking and doing the laundry took a lot out of my usual energetic self today. I wasn't even hurrying to finish one task to move on the next. I guess I really have to be in the zone more often to get things done and still have the energy for other things.

     Well, tomorrow is a new day. We'll try again.