Skin Changing

image courtesy of www.images.8tracks.com

     Nobody wants to get sick. But here we are. While the past couple of months have been a struggle to get my skin condition’s attacks to minimize, today has been hopeful as it’s starting to look like its former self. Knowing the triggering factors and anticipating the attacks will be a big help in managing it as well as keeping my health my biggest priority this season.

      Hang in there self, we’ll be fine. 

Buckle Down

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     As one starts to execute the goals the they have set out whether it's for personal growth or career advancement, it is important to put in the necessary effort. Mapping out the steps is important but making the first step and the making sure to never stop taking those steps until the destination is reached. 

    

    Every journey will be bogged down by different things ranging from lack of will to just being exhausted from all the rejections. But such is life. The only way to come out on top is always be motivated and putting the people that matter as the fuel to keep going.

     I will keep going.

Looking Back

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     Let's see if I can squeeze this in before the year ends in a couple of minutes. The majority of the year has been consumed by a job that I like but justified into staying because it made me look like a responsible adult who settles. It is only now that I'm realizing that it's hard for me to settle. The job was eating away at my sanity and time that I would wake up in the middle of the night exhausted thinking about my responsibilities. I decided to leave and pursued something I've been trying ever since I started working from home. But since this is me and I'm the poster boy for not thinking anything through, I screwed up on the other job. 

    Things in the romantic department have been stable with the occasional rocking of the boat. Communication has both been the thing resolves issues and the fire starter in any lively discussions. Certain life choices will be made but in the end it would still be made by the two of us after several rounds of communicating.

     The self will have to be pushed harder but at the same time pursue the things that nourishes it. Sticking to small goals is still the plan while leaving the bigger things in the hands of fate.

     Happy New Year to all of you. 

The Tita Trend

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     Everyone is trying to be a tita. And it's not a good thing. 

     I've been seeing a lot of posts in different social media platforms on how people have been embracing the "tita" lifestyle. It seems that wanting to sleep early, having wine nights, and trying to act haughty without the superfluousness of the word makes one a "tita." This superficial perception is what's bothering me thinks.

     I think it requires a lot being a tita and not just drinking tea and having that thing where you hang your bag whenever you go to church. I believe being a tita is more of a mindset. When we have come to point where we just give zero fucks about what anyone thinks while still having a sense of grace about it is the first step into titahood. The moment where we've officially had it with all these distractions and trends that catches our attention and we start to focus on the things that matter to us not only because we love them but they also have a sense of practicality about them. Making adult decisions like sticking to one's grocery budget or spending the entire day cleaning the house instead of going to the mall. A person wanting to lead the tita lifestyle should start collecting life experiences in order for them to start maturing instead of following other people do it. 

     But sleeping early doesn't hurt.

     

     

The Return of the Comeback

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     Female parental unit is back from her Holy Week obligation at the province. And boy did she have a lot of gossip for me!

     While we were unpacking her stuff and catching up on each other's craziness we both told each other that two weeks away from each seems like a long time to be apart. The time apart was a big help in her and her sister in dealing with some of the issues we have at the province. Me and my hostile verbal diarrhea might cause more harm than help had I went with her. On my part, I got to spend more time with Allan helped him take off some stress from work.

     To be honest I'm still a little uneasy about inheriting my family's legacy. I know I am ready and I appreciate that the rest of my clan are confident that I'll be able to handle things properly. The only thing that they're concerned about is how do things. And that gets me sometimes. My family has a tendency to deal with a situation with a lot of hush-hush and skirting around. Basically, they're non-confrontational. I, on the other hand deals with things by confronting them head, with a big splash. While has worked for me in a lot of situations, it might bite me in the ass in a place where people are very sensitive especially when it comes to what they think are morals that should be protected.

     So I guess I need to learn how to dance. 

Battle of The Tiny Bulge

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     I have a love-hate relationship with working out. The only time I remember enjoying a workout was when I was training for CAT. I enjoyed the pain that it brought on my body. I also enjoyed the positive changes in my body. Eventhough I was very slim, I felt very strong, I had a flat but firm tummy and I could outlast almost  everyone in my training class in a marathon.

     But after that, everything seems to just go in a downward spiral. I put on a lot on weight in college for reasons I do not know. I enjoyed sleeping a lot. Even when I was in our student publication office, people would catch me taking two hour naps. After graduating, I got a job that had night shifts.That didn't help in making me lose the weight. I chugged down crazy amounts of soda, and snacked my way through my shifts. When I realized that it was becoming a problem, I did what any self-respecting person would do in a time a like this. Crash diet. I stopped eating rice, concentrated on eating wheat bread. I also limited my sleeping to about 4-6 hours. In the course of two months, I lost a lot of weight. I also looked like I snorted an entire bag of cocaine in one sitting. From then on, I worked on gaining some weight whiel still eating healthily. During my time in my first job, I managed to instill a level of discipline that allowed me to stave off any possible crazy weight gains that comes with working in the night shift. 

     Now that I'm working from home, it's become pretty evident that I have lost that discipline. Although I still feel strong, I have gained a belly from all the sitting. It also didn't helped that I was once again consuming crazy amounts of soda to keep up with Allan's night time body clock. That is why I have take n the necessary steps in trying to be healthy again. Aside from lowering my rice intake, I have started working out. I still enjoy sweating it out. The only thing that annoys me is some of the workout programs that I follow has some weird illustrations on how to do some of the exercises, that it somehow impedes my momentum.

     But since I've alrady started, there's no stopping now. 

Hey, thanks.

photo courtesy of www.ipsacleadvalentinquiroga.blogspot.com

     Today, I would like to talk about appreciation. Ever since I was young, I was taught to appreaciate the things around me. From the food that I ate, the clothes I wore, and even the act of kindness done to me. I have always been grateful to the people who have helped me along the way. 

     That's the reason why I'm always horrified to hear someone being unappreciative of the things being done for them. I remember a time when I would whine about a lot of things. I would complain and complain non-stop and felt that I was being cheated out of something that should've been mine. I was resentful at the people around me for being in the state that we are in. I neglected to notice their efforts in making sure that I at least have what I needed.

     Now that I'm working in an industry where you constantly have to hustle, it is both a humbling and character-building experience to be appreciative of the efforts of the people around you and how they have helped you in whatever form. It also taught me to not just appreciate others but also be grateful to my own efforts. Learning how to appreciate one's self is a constant battle with the rejections left and right, but it is such a good feeling to have when you pat your own back when you've done a good job at work or when you've done something for the people you love to make their lives comfortable. 

     Sadly, sometimes appreciation is not our default emotion in handling certain situations. 

Yes, Let's Do This

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     My continuing feeling of loneliness still envelops my entire being. As much as I want to interact with people today, it just feels like I'm not getting anywhere. Probably because I feel ignored. I am used to not being the center of attention. I enjoy doing things better when people aren't crowding around me. But, now that I've forging relationships with people, the feeling of being ignored or being swept under the rug hurts more, because they are from the ones that you care the most. 

     So what's a lonely boy got to do on a Saturday afternoon? I decided to embrace this lonely feeling and went to Quiapo just to explore. It always amazes me that I'm still able to discover new things. For a moment I felt like being embraced by a friend who's been waiting for me. 

     Being lonely ain't that bad, sometimes.

Loneliness

photo courtesy of www.necessarygames.com

     Growing up as an only kid, I never really felt lonely while I was going through my childhood. Not having friends to play with, I was contented to play by myself and read books. 

     But as one grows up and starts to form relationship whether romantic or not, opening yourself and letting other people in can sometimes make you feel more alone and lonely than before. 

     Loneliness sometimes feels like a long lost friend that you haven't seen for a long time. Maybe an embrace and a chit chat wouldn't hurt. 

Crowning Worry

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     I have let my hair grow out thrice. The first time was motivated by a heartbreak, coupled by massive amounts of laziness. The second time was the realization that having a wolf's tail (before it became a fad) was not the right style for me. The third was finally realizing that I should stick what works for me. 

     Growing my hair out has never been a problem to me. Female parental unit used to take me to the barber every month because my hair would grow out that quick. The funny thing is, when I decided to let it grow, my hair would not cooperate, especially the third time. 

     Lately, I've noticed a lot of hair falling off of my head. From our bed up to the bathroom, there are clumps of hair lying around. Although, I don't see any bald spots on my head, it is pretty alarming to see that many hair fall out of you. It might be because I got sick late last year. We thought it was dengue, but it wasn't but it still rendered me unusable for almost a week. Maybe the trauma that body went through is now just manifesting through my hair.

     I should be freaking out about this, but that does not help and it might only aggravate the state of affairs that my hair is going through right now. The best way to deal with this is to just chill, make myself as healthy as I could be, and take extra care of my hair

Incision and Drainage

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     I rant a lot. Probably more than I should. Especially back when I was at my old job. It was my way of dealing the stress brought about my work. I barely remember the times when I just held it in or dea lt with it besides going on full verbal diarrhea mode. But over the years, I have slowly learned to channel that energy into dealing with the things I'm frustrated with. Though they might not always work or have the outcome that I want, it made me less ranty and more mindful of how I am when I'm dealing with a very stressful situation. 

     Working from home still has its challenges and could be as toxic as an office environment, but since I've learned to channel my frustrations, I have handled it better and made me a better listener at least to the nearest person ranting about their day.

     I've known Allan to be a patient and understanding man especially at work. Though he does not tolerate stupidity and inefficiency, he will be the first one to address the problem at hand and will look for long term solutions. And I'm envious at him for having this kind of foresight and resolve. Today was a different thought. He came on late from work and went to vent about certain issues right off the bat. I have learned ago to not go head-to-head with him and just listen to him until finishes. When he had finished I offered a couple of suggestions to him and asked if it was really the reason for his frustrations. Even at the height of his exasperation, he still knew what he needed to do and just wanted someone to unload his rants to. 

     For some, it might seem that I might be taking a lot by taking on his vents and it could be detrimental to me. I love the guy and I will continue to absorb his frustrations and fears and put into good use. That's what you do to the people you love. 

Naejot memēbātās!

photo courtesy of www.deopavanstan.info

     The thing about the start of the month is that it gives us a feeling that we can start over again and learn from the things that have happened in the previous month. 

     I am not like this. The things that have happened to me these past months will continue to linger and probably nag their way back, so the best thing is to just confront them and hopefully get to learn something new.

     I was supposed to look for a 30 Day Writing Challenge since I saw some social media friends complete theirs, but seeing I failed on my previous attempt, what I'm going to do is just write for 30 days. No planned topic. Just write whatever I find interesting that day. 

     No promises, but fully jumping in head first. 

Look Back

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     The last two weeks of February tested my overall perspective on how people really view and I how people. Add to that my concern for my laptop's mobility issues. While I was relieved to find out about how my friends really feel about the LGBT community, I was somewhat disappointed to find out that some people who I've considered as family look at the community I belong to as somewhat inferior. It was painful to accept, that you are only relevant, you are only appreciated when you are being useful to them. And not because you are a human being that should be treated with equal dignity and respect. 

     What I did not expect was my parents lack of disgust towards these people. Probably because they're not directly affected,and that it's hard for them to put themselves in my place. Maybe because I was expecting that they will tell me words of encouragement and show me that I am not something inferior in their eyes. These thoughts had me doubting if they really accepted who I am. That's something I had to work through. Up until now.

     It pains me to write this because save for Allan, my family is the only unit that I hold dear in my heart. I grew up knowing how close we are. But I love them. And love will always win. Always. 

Wired Heart

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     I decided to ask Allan out to have a breakfast date. It was also Valentine's Day yesterday. It was a fun date. It took a more corporate feel as talked about goals and other things about our relationship. This approach has worked for us since it allows us to be less emotional and look at it in a more logical way. Even during misunderstandings, we've dealt with it by going on a more business-like handling. This might sound boring for you, especially from someone who is in relationship.

     Tachikoma, my laptop is still not fixed. The wireless function is still not working and I'm still tied to hooking it up in a router with an ethernet cable. It's a bit limiting since I tend to move around the house while working. Now it feels like being in an office work desk. 

    Hopefully, I'll get the time this week to have fixed and have back to its working condition. 

Glitch

photo courtesy of www.mobileoffice.about.com

     One of the perks of working from your home is the ability to work in anywhere in your house. You can even work outside and get some sun while you're at it. 

     My laptop decided that wired connections is still the hottest thing.

     Last night before going to bed, I checked on some of the things that I was downloading and left it as it is. When I woke up Allan was on my laptop watching a movie. We switched places since I was about to start working when I realized that the wireless function of my laptop is not working. We did the basic trouble shooting steps, and even went as far as uninstalling and reinstalling the wireless adapter. 

     Still not working.

     The whole incident affected my work and made me finish pretty late. It also brought a lot of stress since I'm running out of steps to do to fix the issue. Today's episode has made me feel doubly tired and I just want to sleep for like a hunrded years.

     But seriously, can anyone help me?

Too Tired to Function

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     I was too tired to write an entry yesterday. 

     I'm still too tired to write one today. Working, cooking and doing the laundry took a lot out of my usual energetic self today. I wasn't even hurrying to finish one task to move on the next. I guess I really have to be in the zone more often to get things done and still have the energy for other things.

     Well, tomorrow is a new day. We'll try again. 

Expedition

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     Female Parental Unit and I have been planning to go to Divisoria for the longest time. Given that I work every day and get off from work at 2 PM, we had to make sure that we'll make the most of our time there. We don't want to go on a weekend because we know it'll packed and we also don't want to stay there exploring until night time. I started to think that for a couple of things that we wanted to check out, a lot of factor and planning is involved.

     So we decided to go today and even before we got there, our plan started to hit a snag. The jeep took a different rout. We got off in front of 999 Mall. Female Parental Unit and I were not familiar with area, but we thought it would be a good chance to explore the building and see what we'll find. 

     We've only been there for less than half an hour and I already managed to buy all the things that I want. Since it was still early, we thought we'd get something to eat. After that we decided we'd check out 168 Mall as well. It was a little more packed with stalls and people that we felt a bit overwhelmed that we just settled with just looking around the ground floor. 

     When we decided to head back home, we realized that all of the road repairs and rerouting in the area has thrown off whatever sense of direction I have. And since Female Parental Unit is also not familiar with the new surroundings, we ended up asking for directions, which I still feel is a failure of my being a human being. 

     We're both tired, but we definitely enjoyed our exploration. And we promised each other that we'll go back there. 

Craving

 photo courtesy of www.21food.com

     I was so tired from doing the laundry and running some errands that I literally fell asleep after getting home. 

     I have been craving for some chip for quite sometime and I decided to go and buy one after doing the laundry. So I went to Recto where the chips that I was craving for would be found. On my way there, the crown started to get thick. It was a Friday and I think a payday for some folks, so it's just right that everyone will be out. I realized that no matter how many people describe Recto as dangerous and seedy, I never felt that at all. Well, I guess seedy fits, but for the longest time that I have been frequenting Recto, I have never felt an ounce of danger no matter what time I go there. I remember that I spent the night at convenience store while I was reading and writing. I just feels like a home to me. The maddening crowd. The dubious characters. The stench of after sex and everything illegal. All of that feels familiar. 

     So fuck gentrification. 

     I found the store, bought the chips and went back home. 

Snoozing Out

photo courtesy of www.littlebrownsparrowco.com

     For the past couple of days, I have been missing out on my normal sleep time. It's so bad that I have to take a nap while working or else I stop functioning normally. 

     That is why I'm hitting the sack early. Enjoy your day. 

Missed Target

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     I missed a blog post. Damn it. 

     And only on the third day. 

     We'll just try to be more consistent eh?