And the dogs were barking at the new moon

photo courtesy of divinationcounselingservice.org

   People tend to believe in the things they see. They also believe in the things that they don't see. That's what make up our memories. Solid objects and intangible events. Sometimes, to fill the void of ennui, people make up their own memories. sexual conquests, changing the world, finding the one and only soul mate, those are usually what people conjure out of their asses and pass them off as memories, sometimes with the help of the ever reliable alcohol or the loyal drugs. Ah! Depression and drugs, two of the greatest experience in the world. With depression, you can almost do anything, from jacking-off, to pulling the biggest and most publicized suicide the world has ever seen. 

   Falling in line in a government office, waiting for your documents makes you think of serious matters. The act of killing yourself. Playing god. For those who don't believe in god, the power of holding the moment, of life and destruction with one or maybe a few more slits, or for those who has low tolerance for pain, jumping from a tall building or putting one's head in the oven is always an option.

   I used to think that people who do these things are selfish and self-righteous among many other things. What, you're so sick of the world that you're gonna take the easy way out and put a bullet in your head? Or you think you're superman and you think your above everybody else? You try to blend in so as not to stand out and yet you really can't stand the sight and weakness of men? Go ahead and slit your wrists with kryptonite!

   I have a feeling that i'm slowly losing my memory. I think i need to upgrade my cyberbrain. Coming back from the province and facing life in the city, can be a slow mediocre blur. You meet people and after 10 seconds they're deleted from your memory. I like things to last. I'm big on dependability. I like being stuck, but not in a moment, that's a bit redundant. I like knowing that people will be there, things will be found, words will be said, those kind of things. I resist change, although by the time I've finished this, millions maybe billions of cells have died just as billions have been produced again. That's how you feel alive, through changing. The feeling of uncertainty of venturing out into the unknown. Although foresight or being all-knowing wouldn't hurt. What would've happened if we were like god? But that would be believing in god now would it??